November 29, 2003
Live from Montreal, we bring you the best battle for a really long time we promise.
Strograprath
vs.
Varmipon.
Friends in baking. Rivals in life and cards.
Before the battle of a lifetime begins, we caught up with the...um...battlers.
FBE: Strograprath, what's it like? Going in to this kind of battle? And why are you doing it?
STROGRAPRATH: Varmipon killed my mother, kidnapped my little brother, blinded my older sister, hung my dad upside down from a ceiling fan by his ears, and ate the last of my birthday cake. What do you mean what's it like? I'm friggin' pissed, that's what it's like. You guys said you were with Fox, right?
FBE: Yeah, sure. Let's not talk about that. Hey, is that my wallet?
STROGRAPRATH: The pain that comes with loosing so many family members is just unbearable sometimes, ya know? Makes you wanna' throw a friggin' card at a guy or somethin'.
FBE: I know what you mean. What about the match are you most afraid of?
STROGRAPRATH: You know your driver's liscence is expired, right? And your "credit card" is just a piece of paper with the word "Viza" on it.
FBE: Don't touch my credit card! And please answer the question; we're almost out of tape here.
STROGRAPRATH: This bus pass is from 1974! Oh, anyways, I guess I'm most afraid that the battle will be ridiculously one sided for twenty minutes or so, then in the last ten Varmipon will pull some kind of super card combo and kill me in like, one hit, making the previous twenty minutes obsolete. That always seems to happen around here.
FBE: It really builds up the dramatic tension, though.
STROGRAPRATH: I guess, but it just sucks, ya' know? It's like? if you're winning in the first five minutes, you might as well give up right then, because your pretty much screwed.
FBE: But you need save your little brother and stuff, right?
STROGRAPRATH: Yeah, I guess. But I swear, if he doesn't stop digging through my grown-up-person box under my bed, I'm gonna kill that little dork myself.
We soon found Varmipon close by, rolling in pudding. We had a few questions. He answered them.
FBE: Varmipon, today you will be facing your toughest opponent yet, how do you feel?
VARMIPON: With the power of the ancient egyptian dongs on my side, I know I have nothing to fear!
FBE: And how did you come to own these ancient dongs?
VARMIPON: Well, my father was an archeolagist (before he was kidnapped by my opponent), so we'd go on excursion-thingies all the time. One day I wondered off by myself, and I was bestowed with all the powers of the great ancient dongs by none other than Rigglesni the Huge.
FBE: Well isn't that nice. Strograprath claims you destroyed his family and is here on revenge. Is there any truth to this?
VARMIPON: Well... yes. But he did it first! ... Kinda
FBE: Alright. Just checking. So what is your gameplan for tonight's match?
VARMIPON: First, I plan to bring out some really crappy cards. That way, it'll look like he's beating me for about two thirds of the eppisode--err--match. Then, near the end, using my faith in the deck, that's what I call my trick cards, I'll pull out my Blue Eyes White Bear and totally anniahlate his ass! In like, one hit!
FBE: Isn't that a little risky? What if you don't recieve the right cards at the end of the game?
VARMIPON: Risky? What are you talking about? I'm totally staking my deck right now.
FBE: We'll just pretend we didn't hear that.
FBE: Thanks for your time
And now for a more detailed profile of each of our competitors.
Name - Strograprath
Hometown - Northern France
Age - 9
Likes - Whirlpools, Air Conditioning, Samurais, Watermelon
Dislikes - Varmipon, Sweden, Coffee Cake, AOL, Nazis
Bio - Caught in a time vortex from the year 90 million, Strograprath has landed in our time. With advanced technology, a pretty face, and a snappy wardrobe, he plans to take the Yu-Gi-Oh world by corn. Thinks Varmipon destroyed his family. Really just forgot he doesn't have one.
Favorite Card - Kool-Aid Man
Name - Varmipon
Hometown - Outerspace
Age - 80 thousandy
Likes - Lava, Christmas Trees, Floating, Ancient Dongs
Dislikes - Capitalism, the Moon, Chilidogs, Frasier
Bio - A supernatural being from outerspace, Varmipon is a Yu-Gi-Oh wizbang diggity bop.
Favorite Card - Blue-Eyes White Bear
You can expect these cards to make a powerful showing in tonights matchup.
Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion, and post game analysis.
Thanks to Adam for helping write and our little brothers for dressing up in the goofy costumes
Written by
