Let’s not kid ourselves, Waffle and Pancake syrup is the lifeblood of our… livelihood. Morning after morning we as Americans get up and make ourselves a hearty breakfast, complete with milk, toast, and a couple of hotcakes. This would all feel incomplete, however, without the sweet, delicious topping that is syrup.

For years syrup has made wonderful a variety of food-stuffs. Waffles, pancakes, toast, milk, lobster, lettuce, and my favorite, live dog.

What we don’t ever consider, though, is the hopes, dreams, and feelings of the syrup. It pours its innards, its very soul on to your breakfast cakes in mere hopes that it will make your experience slightly more enjoyable. But does America show any kind of appreciation for the condiment? No. Does waffle syrup have its own holiday? It didn’t last time I checked. Martin Luther King Jr. has a holiday. Why not syrup? King lead millions of people away from racial profiling and segregation. Bam! Holliday material. And yet, syrup leads your breakfast away from that yucky, bland taste of a bare waffle, and still no holiday. If King were alive today I guarantee you he would vomit in disgust. So much deliciousness, and yet still no appreciation. This is truly one of the great American problems of our time.

I, for one, say the problem has lived on long enough. It’s time for us to stand up for what’s right! Enough of the anti-syrup rallies, hate groups, and large scale syrup executions. Quit pouring America’s thick, brown, maple life juice down the drain. Let’s get this thing together, shall we?

The picketing starts tommorow. We meet at my house.

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