November 04, 2003
There are some that say romance is dead, and perhaps, in a human kind of way, it is. Goofy-woofy-wittle-baby talk will get you no where fast in this mile-a-minute world. There’s just no time! However, the desire and need for affection is something that reaches far beyond that of the chaos that is the earth we live on. It’s because of this desire, because of this need, that more men and women are turning to less stressful, less high maintenance relationships. Or in other words, relationships with ducks.
Take for example, JOSH (name changed for confidentiality reasons). He was married for nine years, all while working a face paced job, a bullet train to success, a heavy duty rake in a money tree forest during autumn. He was a shift leader at his local Arby’s. This, of course, took up most of his time. He worked seven day weeks, ten to twelve hour days, year round. Yes, Josh was successful, but he wasn’t happy with his life, or his wife, Mandy (name changed for confidentiality reasons). FBE was able to talk with “Josh” briefly about his problem.
"Josh"FBE: So Josh, what was it about your wife that caused you to be unhappy?
JOSH: Well Adam, Mandy's a good girl, you know? But, with my long nights at work, she was the one getting unhappy.
FBE: From what I've come to understand, because of this mutual unhappiness, you decided to have an affair... with a duck?
JOSH: Well, not at first. I looked around. Checked out my options, you know? Of course Mandy couldn't know about this. I still loved her. I just needed to...I don't know, try some other options. That’s when I met the ducks.
FBE: It wasn't to long, however, after you began having the affair with the ducks, that you discovered that she was cheating on you... with another duck! Your feelings?
JOSH: I was, you know, pretty friggin’ pissed. Cheating on me behind my back, with a duck of all things. I didn't think I'd ever get over it. Well, until I realized I was doing the same thing. You know? We went our separate ways. I think it’s better off now for the both of us.
Though, I'm still friggin’ pissed that she cheated on me… the bitch.
We were able to catch up with “Mandy” shortly after our interview with “Josh.”
"Mandy"FBE: Why did you first start seeing "Mr. Duck," as you call him? What was it about him that attracted you to him?
MANDY: His long hard bill and deep longing eyes could make any woman cry for mercy. I couldn't help myself!
FBE: Your right, he is very attractive. But anyhow, what did you do when you discovered Josh with his ducks?
MANDY: I was angry, obviously. I mean, I can't blame the guy for wanting a relationship with a duck; I'm guilty of the same thing. But the fact that one duck wasn't enough to satisfy him really ruffled my feathers.
FBE: Thank you for your time.
MANDY: Thank you for getting the word out about Duck-Human relationships.
So, there you have it. Humans: lovers of ducks, and Ducks: lovers of humans. Right? Wrong? Sexy? Gross?
Is this a new sexual revolution? Will there be duck lover’s pride parades storming through your town any time soon? Will love triangles on soap opera’s soon have another point? Woman, man, man, duck? Will duck pornography soon hog the airwaves? Duck wedding rings? Duck Divorce court?
We like to stay objective. Coming to a conclusion is your job, as the reader. We at Fuzzy Blowfish simply present the facts, and let you decide for youself. However, before you pass judgment, remember this.
Ducks are people too.
I think.
Josh appeares courtesy of Cody, Mandy courtesy of Derrick.
Written by
